2009 Rocky “You’re So Screwed Dale” Raccoon

Lt. Muldoon: You want the story? I'll spin it for you quick. – Deathproof

Despite misgivings and hoping for a sub 28 hour finish, I finished in 26:43.

Thanksgiving' Announcer: White meat, dark meat. All will be carved. THANKSGIVING. – Grindhouse

Yet another trip to Huntsville, Texas for more romping at Huntsville State Park and the 2009 Rocky Raccoon 100 mile run. This year, my eighth visit to the race, I flew out with Colorado buddy Scott Olmer. At the airport gate, we met up with Matt and Anne Watts who were doing the 100 miler, and later Dan Schmidt, Carol Gerber, both doing the 50 miler. This year, the RD Joe Prusaitis, made some significant changes to the course. I was anxious to try out the new course. It looked like it might be a bit faster than before. It turned out with the more single track trails, it was a bit slower than before. More on this later.



Scott and I arrived in Houston, got the rental car, and headed out for Huntsville. After the obligatory traffic jam north of Houston, we stopped at a Taco Bell for some food to hold us over until dinner. Got to the park around 4 PM, picked up our race packets and spent some time talking to old running friends (Phil Rosenstein, Beth Simpson, Ben Holmes, Larry Hall, Dennis Drey, and many others) and catching up. We decided to leave just before the race brief and check into the hotel.

While Scott took a short nap, I unpacked and got most of my stuff ready, organized and sorted for the weekend’s journey. We’d be going to our car at the end of each 20 mile loop and I wanted to have everything in some semblance of order as to minimize time at the car. I had more clothes than I probably needed, as the temperatures were going to be in the upper-70’s during the day and mid-50’s at night. But you never know, so just in case I had more wintertime gear if needed.

J.T.: Hey, hey. You want some barbeque? Best in Texas.
Cherry: Oh, no thanks.
J.T.: What's the matter? You don't eat meat?
Cherry: Oh, I eat meat. I also eat lots of shit. – Planet Terror

It was now time to go eat, and Scott and I headed off to town in search of BBQ. Scott stumbled on this place a few years back with another running friend, Ed Green, and it sounded like a good place to try out. It was! For $12 we got a huge helping of brisket, sausage, potato salad, beans, and pecan cobbler. I’m not knocking Joe’s pre-race feed of pasta, but this was far better! We’ll have to keep this one for next year as well. On the way back to the hotel, picked up some brews.

Went back to the hotel sated, relaxed and after a beer finally hit the sheets around 10 PM.

Hanging Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Hanging Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times. – Airplane!

Scott and I woke up around 3:30 AM, did the usual pre-race rituals and got the car loaded and on the road by 4:15 AM. We wanted to get there early enough for a close-in parking spot to the start-finish area. Got to the park and the gates were closed, and 5 other cars ahead of us waiting to get in as well. After a few minutes, the gates were opened. Ended up parking off the main road right across the start/finish tent. Not ideal, but better than other locations. I tried to nap, but was too jittery so got up and used the porta john, and ended up talking to Jean-Jacques d’Aquin for a bit. Got back to the car and did a last minute lookover before heading over to the tent to check in.

Newscaster: I'm not wearing any pants. Film at eleven. – Kentucky Fried Movie

Union Army officer: Now get back in line before I kick you so hard you'll be wearin' your ass for a hat. – The Outlaw Josey Wales

Ended up being the first one to check in, but the line quickly grew behind me. Stood around waiting for the race to start, talking with other runners. Finally, it was time to line up and wait for the start. After Joe yelled “GO!” we were off into the darkness. Scott and I ended up running together from the start, and we soon started singing hash songs:

“There was a little bird….”

“I used to work in Chicago in an old department store…..”

“Hitler! He only had one ball…..”

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be. …..”

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines. – Airplane!

About a half mile into the run, we made a left turn, signaling the beginning of the new course. I was pretty disoriented at this point due to the darkness and not really knowing where we will go. The trail did a lot of meandering and turning, but it was well marked and easy to follow. It wasn’t until the sun started breaking when we got to Amy’s Crossing that it started to make sense. Up to that point, however, I hadn’t a clue as to where we went or how we got here. Even here though, we weren’t too sure about the trail until we came up to the dam road when it really hit us where we were. Not long after we hit the second aid station, Dam Road, 6.1 miles into the race. I was still good on fluids so I just yelled out my race number and continued on. It was sometime during this segment that Scott and I decided to hit the afterburners to get away from a couple of chattering guys citing research results from the Harvard Law Review and some such drivel.

Stuntman Mike: Ladies, we're gonna have some fun.
– Deathproof

We progressed up what used to be called the Farside Loop, but instead of turning around at an aid station 2.5 miles up the trail, we continued on trail for a bit and came up to a checkpoint where they all tried to keep everyone straight and no cheating. We then continued on and headed back on a different trail, through what I call the “enchanted forest” of tripping roots and ups and downs. This was in reverse direction of what we ran in previous years. We got to the dam, and headed down the spillway and not long after we took a right turn which brought us back to the road leading to the Dam Aid Station we just came from 6 miles previous, but in the opposite direction and avoiding the Farside rebound section. Much improved, in my opinion.

Josey Wales: You have any food here?
Lone Watie: All I have is a piece of hard rock candy. But it's not for eatin'. It's just for lookin' through. – The Outlaw Josey Wales

Refilled my bottles and grabbed a coke, and headed out in the direction back towards Amy’s Crossing. Once there, we made a left turn and headed up the road which used to be the location of the first aid station. We continued on around and about 200 yards later we came to the main park road and the aid station there, called Park Road. Once again, filled my bottles and grabbed a coke and some oranges.

The next mile or so of new course trail turns into one of my favorites: rolling hills, fairly straight and no roots to trip on. Very nice. We then turned off back onto the trail we started out at the beginning of the loop which meanders for a few miles before connecting the path along the main road.

Ted Striker: It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It's worse than Detroit.
– Airplane!

Before long, we made our last left turn and down the hill was the aid station. Somehow, I figured it was further down, but this is a great location now. Scott and I both chipped in on the scanning mat for the first loop time of 3:50, and we headed over to the car to change clothes and refill our packs.

Narrator: Brutal! Savage! Beyond Perversion! – Kentucky Fried Movie

One loop down, four to go! So far, so good. I ended up spending a bit more time at the car changing out of my wet long sleeve and opted into a more cooler sleeveless SLUG shirt as it was starting to get warm out. Scott told me he had to hit the head. By the time I got back to the start tent, I didn’t see him so I figured he went on ahead.

First Jive Dude: Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'.
Second Jive Dude: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB'in man.
First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em.
First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em
First Jive Dude: Cold got to be. You know? Shiiiiit. - Airplane!



Now we got to see the course we missed at night. It all fit together now. We ended up taking parts of the old course that took us along the shoreline to the old 174 aid station and meandered around a bit back to the Interpretive Center (now an aid station). Crossed the road and back on the same old familiar trail to Amy’s Crossing. By about this time, Scott caught up to me and we ran together for most of the remainder of the loop. We were joined a bit later along the road climbing up the last aid station by Charlie Leonard from NY.

Trailer voiceover: You'll come home for the holidays... in a body bag.
– Grindhouse

Got to the Park Road Aid Station and had a small bit of ice cream! Man, that sure hit the spot. As we were leaving,we saw Phil Rosenstein lying on the ground with an ice pack on his lower back. Apparently he twisted it as he stumbled on some roots earlier. This was his second and last lap. I felt bad for him as he was on an awesome pace.

Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked? – Airplane!

Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison? – Airplane!

Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? – Airplane!

We continued our way down the straight rolling trail and caught up to a group of runners, one of them wearing a blue SLUG shirt. I asked him his name, David Yak (I think). They were doing the 50 miler. Scott and I started into Airplane! quotes and one of them responded “Airplane!”. Soon we made the last right turn onto the bike path leading back to the turnaround. Got here in 8:07, or a 4:17 loop time. Went to the car and refilled and put on the headphones for the ipod. Time for distractions of music to get me through the next loops. It’s getting hotter out and nothing like some tunes to distract you from your environment. Scott left the car before I did and I figured I catch up to him later.

Hornung: Your Honor, I object to this line of questioning.
Judge: Overruled.
Hornung: Very well, then; I'd like some time to go over my briefs.
Judge: Please.
Hornung: [inspects his underwear] They're fine. – Kentucky Fried Movie

So here I was starting loop 3 and I started to feel some chaffing in the shorts. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice it back at the car and take care of it (via the old trusty A&D Ointment application) so I’d have to remember to use Vaseline at the next station. Other than that, I was feeling pretty good and moving well. It was noticeably warmer now so I decided to back off on the pace a bit and go easy. Better to go a little slower now versus dying later. I was also noticing my stomach was getting a bit uneasy and got that old familiar bloating sensation I got at Lean Horse last year. I decided I’d better start alternating energy drink and water in my bottles. For now, I decided to back off the calories and go straight water for at least the next hour. Too many calories going in as I was drinking more in the heat. I’d take in cups of Coke to supplement the loss and eat more solid food.

Announcer: [voiceover] But they soon realize...
The Boss: He's coming after *us*!
[cut to Machete opening his jacket to reveal an arsenal of machetes]
Announcer: They just fucked with the wrong Mexican! – Grindhouse

Charlie caught up with me and we ran together talking about various stuff that under normal circumstances would be boring. Yet somehow, during a run it gets very interesting. I was trying to figure out where the 50 mile point is and decided it was somewhere near the bench at the top of the climb into the Enchanged Forest. Close enough anyway, as it was 10:35 on my watch at this point. Got back to the Dam aid station before I knew it, refilled with water, grabbed some fruit and a sandwich, and got outta there. Charlie was ahead a bit but I ended up catching up to him on the road up to the last aid station. Then I saw Scott ahead, so I decided to run a bit more and catch up to him, Charlie in tow. Got to the aid station and they offered more ice cream. This time I took a whole cup full. Man, this tasted great! Scott took some apple pie slices with his ice cream. This became my favorite aid station.

Warden Samuel Norton: Lord! It's a miracle! Man up and vanished like a fart in the wind! – Shawshank Redemption

We all got back to the turnaround in 12:55 for 60 miles, or a 4:52 time for loop 3. Again, I meandered my way back to the car, but spent more time here. The sun had set by now and I wanted to make sure I had my good light with me, change into a different short-sleeved shirt, sucked down a Starbucks Double Shot, A&D, etc. Scott was already gone. This would be the last I would see of him, except on the out and backs. No worries, I just wanted a finish and a sub-24 hour, while nice, wasn’t in the plan for this weekend.

[Thinking to himself]
Ted Striker: I've got to concentrate...
[his thoughts echo]
Ted Striker: concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota... – Airplane!

So here I was starting my fourth loop, which typically is my toughest loop, mentally, to get through. IT was now totally dark, although there was a full moon, but the heavy forest canopy prevented much of that moonlight from reaching the trails. Full illumination was needed to avoid a trip or fall. All in all, a fairly good pace considering, and I was passing people here and there (although I was being passed by the faster runners, more than likely lapped by the front runners). Remarkably, I was able to get through the roots in the Enchanted Forest without tripping. Still passing runners, who were walking by now, and I would see more lights ahead and try to catch up. Got to the Park Road aid station, and opting out of ice cream now took some hot soup instead. It was starting to get cooler now and I was going to need to change into a long-sleeved shirt back at the car. Crossed the timing mat in 18:39, or a 5:43 loop.

Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna. - Airplane!

Got back to the car and reapplied A&D as I was really starting to fart more with the dreaded chafed cheek syndrome. Changed into a long-sleeved shirt, sucked down another Starbucks and refilled my pack. I was starting to feel pretty tired by now, but that was probably more to the lack of sleep than anything else. Got back to the turnaround tent and saw Anne Watts there waiting for Matt. Larry Hall came up to me and told me “git going!”. I replied “Sir Yes Sir!” It was now shortly before 1 AM, and decided that a sub-24 hour time is not reasonable so I decided to walk a bit now as I was fairly tired.

Rex Kramer: Our only hope is to build this man up. We gotta give him all the confidence we can.
Rex Kramer: Striker, have you ever flown a multi-engine plane before?
Ted Striker: No, never.
Rex Kramer: [with the microphone still on] Shit. This is a God damn waste of time. There's no way he can land this plane. – Airplane!


So it was walk mode for me. I was doing some mental math in my head, and figured that if I could walk this in 6 hours then I’d have 25 hour finish. Or perhaps a 26 hour finish. In any event, it looked like I would be able to finish so I decided to take my time.

Lone Watie: Get ready, little lady. Hell is coming to breakfast.
– The Outlaw Josey Wales

Got to the first aid station and grabbed a coke. I took solace in the fact this is the last time through here. This perked me up some and I actually picked up the pace a bit, still walking. Got to Amy’s Crossing and made my way onto the trail leading to the Dam aid station. It was getting a bit chilly here and there, so I was glad I had my long-sleever on. Got to the aid station and sat down in front of the heater and asked for some hot chocolate. I was probably here for about 10 minutes. Reluctantly I got up, but had to in order to finish. As I was making my way out I spotted Scott coming in. He was hoping for a negative split on this loop versus the previous loop, so we didn’t talk too long. Looked like he was on pace for a sub-24 hour time.

Mrs. Geline: I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.
– Airplane!

It was a slow trudge up the Farside trail, and having to dodge the roots was a royal pain. Again, I told myself this was last time I’d see it this year so it made me feel a bit better. As I was nearing the Farside checkpoint, Beth Simpson passed me. She told me this was here 6th time here, and probably her last for awhile. She figured she was far enough away from the 1000 mile jacket that not coming back wouldn’t hurt do much. She asked me how many finishes for me. I told her this will be my 7th. Her response was priceless: “You’re so screwed Dale!” We both laughed at that and she went on ahead. When I got to the checkpoint I thanked them for being out here.

Henry Gibson: Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness.
– Kentucky Fried Movie

There were some places I tried to run, but couldn’t muster it. My legs were too stiff and my feet were starting to ache some. Got back to the Dam aid station and again sat down and asked for hot chocolate. A nice lady came up to me and asked if I needed some work on my legs. I said that would be nice. It felt great, until she moved up to my shoulders and I winced at that, saying let’s forget that for awhile. I only had 8 more miles to go so it wasn’t that important. I was here about 15 minutes, and decided I better get up and get going.

Controller: Bad news. The fog's getting thicker.
Johnny: [jumps to an overweight controller] And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger.
- Airplane!

Made my way up down the road, back onto the trail towards Amy’s Crossing. By this time it was starting to get light. As I was making my way back up the road to Park Road aid, I heard water dripping on the trees and ferns. It wasn’t raining, but rather foggy. When I got to the top of the road overlooking the Interstate just feet ahead, there was a heavy mist in the air. Luckily it was just that and no rain as I didn’t bring along my jacket.

Captain Oveur: What is it, Doctor? What's going on?
Rumack: I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert. – Airplane!

Got to the Park Road aid station and just refilled a bottle, grabbed a coke and put away the flashlight. Just a little over 3 miles to go now. It was a serious trudge now. It seemed like an eternity since I began this last loop. I was looking for now familiar landmarks marking my progress. 2.5 miles, 2 miles, 1 mile. Marty Fritzhand and Dennis Drey passed me with about a mile to go. Marty asked if there was anything he could do for me (as I was walking). I said softly “A blowjob would be nice.” His son was pacing him just ahead and overheard and broke up laughing. We all started laughing and they picked up the pace with a jog. I tried to follow suit but couldn’t muster it. Pity. I would have enjoyed finishing along with Marty and Dennis. Not long to go though until the end.



I made my final turn out of the forest and onto the bike path, just a half mile to go. Then my last left turn towards the finish line. Lots of people there were cheering. Scott was there, as well as Ben Holmes. Not sure why, but my eyes welled up and I was weeping as I crossed the finish line. 26:43! I was very happy with that time. I saw Joe Prusaitis and thanked him for another great run, and a great new course. A lower than normal finishing rate this year, primarily due to the warm temps: 68%. I think the new revised course is a lot better, and is probably a bit slower than in the past with more singletrack trail to run on versus dirt roads. I’ll take this negative aspect over not having to do those bloody Farside out and backs any time.

Henry Gibson: It is also important to know what to do you when you die.
1) Don't try to drive a car.
2) Do not operate heavy machinery.
3) Do not talk. – Kentucky Fried Movie

I sat down and Scott came up and said congrats, as well as Ben. Ben had to drop after 3 loops due to plantar issues in his feet. Been there, done that, totally understood. Man, I was beat. After a few minutes of sitting I got up and Scott and I headed back to the car for a little sleep.



Taking a shower was a major effort, slow and awkward, but I felt great at the end of it. We made our way over to the lodge waiting for breakfast. They weren’t quite ready yet, so we all waited, Scott, Marty and myself. But it was worth it and it tasted great. I had a great a great catchup conversation with my SLUG friend Jan Ryerse at the breakfast. He had a good finish as well. Scott and I then decided to head to the airport after the awards ceremony.

Another Rocky in the books, number 7. Yep. Beth was right on: I’m so screwed!